I am having a Seinfeld moment. Time for a blog about nothing....and everything.
Stream of consciousness typing, here I come.....................
I mentioned my job interview the other day. The job is looking like it might pan out for me, but it's not really cut and dry as to whether or not I will take it. I am not sure that anything in my life is as black and white as that. Black and white? Yin and Yang? Doesn't that mean that "in a little bad, there's always something good" and vice-versa? Seems like I heard that long ago...when the "surf-style" logos were in (in the 80's). I think our youth minister was warning us about symbols of our culture or something (like the "peace" sign being a broken upside-down cross). Wow. Haven't thought about that in a long time.
What to do, what to do?
Lost in limbo over here....someone throw me a line or something!
Is the room spinning for anyone else, or is it just me?
Wow. Have any of you guys ever done this? Just typed whatever came to mind? I have the idea to just type and not correct typos and stuff, but that bugs me too badly....can't happen. So, this is semi-stream of consciousness typing.
Have I mentioned the tree in my life? I know some of you have read about it on the Ship (and maybe here?? I forget where I type these days). Yeah...I call it my Career Tree or something..."Tree of Life" sounds too blasphemous b/c my tree certainly gives no life. It's like my life IS a tree though...I'm confused. Hang on....ok. I'm ok. I think.
So, you got me. I'm like a trunk (lotsa knots and crevices and stuff where I've let the termites get to me and eat away at my roots). Those spindly things branching off me are, you guessed it, branches. Those are the paths that are out there for me. It's like for each given day, I have a branch to explore. Maybe not even for a day...maybe the branch is thicker like a life path. I dunno...I'm just making this up as I go.
Part of this tree has no leaves. That's the part where bridges have been burned or the insects have choked the life out of the branches b/c I just sort of gave up and let them up there. Maybe there are no leaves b/c I haven't let those branches see sunlight or maybe I didn't dip my roots into any water or nourishment. Perhaps I didn't give them a chance to see what it's like to flower.
Job choices. What's next? Which way do I go? Teaching, helping, mothering, ministering....there's so much going on, yet nothing. No breeze, though I feel as if I'm caught in a tornado.
No doubt my tree is lacking the true foundation of the knowledge of the One who gives life to everything...Who knows everything about my "tree," from the little legs on the insects I let infect it, to which "leaf" has fallen and why. Even though I know I have the ability to tap into His resources, I feel like the little tree on a hill in the middle of a desert.
Did you guys hear a chainsaw???
3 comments:
I love reading "stream of consciousness" postings! They are fun to read and decipher. Praying that your decisions will be made clear.
This was BIG fun. I like this post becuase it's real. it's random, but it's real. I may do the same. I've been too organized lately. :)
Glad you guys enjoyed it. I write best when I'm manic-melancholy (hahaha..talk about your random things...) I just felt the need to yap about nothing in particular. I can come up with some weird analogies....once I wrote about how discipline is like Listerine or something like that...I'll have to see if I can find that snippet of wisdom.....
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