Ok, so I'm finally letting my emotions catch up with me. If we're going to personify feelings, I much prefer it when my imagination runs wild, I tell ya!
I'm still feeling stuck: can't use my degree b/c it's been so stinking long since I got it that I've forgotten everything (geez!) and I'm having a hard time trying to like what I'm doing now. I honestly feel cornered. I'm so lost in my thoughts that I can't figure out what I like to do or WOULD like to do. I can't even pin one thing down without another thought bumrushing me.
Do any of you remember the Micro Machine Man? Yeah. That's how fast words fly thru my brain.
I'm getting back into the habit of doing daily devotional readings. Even in that, I have doubts. I don't expect God to all of the sudden rain down answers upon me, just because I'm getting back into the Word....but that's what Satan keeps saying my reason is. It's not, doggone it. I miss my time with God and I know He misses it a zillion times more. Honestly, I feel better talking with him since I'm actually taking the time to commune each day. It's not like he's this giant gumball machine that I plunk a quarter in each time I want something, fully expecting the best of whatever it is to fall out.
Anyway, I can't adequately describe how I'm feeling, but I just know I hate it. I've felt this way before, off and on and it really wears me out. I feel like there has to be someone out there who can point me in the right direction...I have this insane need to find that person and pour my heart out. I guess it's b/c I've poured it out to God and my impatient finite way of thinking has won out. I think it's because I'm realizing that so many years in my life have come and gone and I know I can't get them back. I almost wish I could be in college again and cling to those years I spent cramming facts into my brain. I guess I don't feel worthy enough to flip burgers at Mickey D's.
Fun blog, eh?
7 comments:
I'm sorry for your bleh day... I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. I know that uncertainty and that feeling of lack of direction can be really frustrating and stressful and just plain ol' exhausting sometimes.
*Hugs* and prayers for you, my friend.
(I'm not on MSN alot, but hopefully we can catch one another one of these days!)
Praying for you, Amy.
Maybe... should I say it?
...maybe it's time to start a family.
There. I said it.
Nah. That's not the answer, Matt.
Even if we did start a family, I'd still have to have a job, so I'd just be in the same boat with more turmoil added :p.
Thanks for the prayers and stuff, guys :-).
Amy,
You'd be amazed at how the Lord provides when you are in His will. I'm not saying that I have had a revelation from God concerning you and Dillon, but starting a family is something to consider.
I do know that He has provided in a dramatic way for our family. My wife has not had to work for close to 18 years directly due to God's provision.
I pray that the Lord would make His plans for you and Dillon clear.
I appreciate your honesty.
I can't imagine taking care of a household of 12 people! I think that's worthy of Bill Gates' paycheck! I guess her rewards will come from the hands of the Father, though (better than Gates could even imagine!!!!). Bless her heart! I do good to keep the dog in line (ha...he's now "naked" b/c we don't groom him regulary), keep the house from caving in, etc. There's just 3 of us!!
We need more time. God might very well have it in His plan for us to have a child. I'm not sure yet. We've at least talked about it w/o bursting into laughter or nervously twitching our way out of the room... I have some medical issues going on and am on meds that don't mesh with growing life inside of me, so that's another consideration (when and if we get to that point). Time will tell. (although I don't have much left. I'm not doing to my child what was done to me...I grew up worrying that my parents would die before I was old enough to drive!!)
Thanks again. I can't say enough about how your prayers are appreciated :-).
Not to beat a dead horse, but...
You do know that you don't have to wait to have children, right? I know of a certain favorite artist of mine who recently enlarged his household without all that gestational stuff.
Anyway... I'm sure you and Dillon will be listening to the Lord and respond as He leads.
Praying
LOL!
Yes, I'd love to adopt, but we talked about that and we're kind of half and half on it. We decided that if we feel the call to become parents we'd like try it ourselves first and then if we felt led, we'd adopt our 2nd child. I guess you can say the first would be a trial run to see if we could manage to handle one without breaking him/her or killing one another. However, you do have a valid point. I plan to speak to my doctor about it (checkup in May). (btw, to adopt, it generally takes 2 years plus lots of cash. I looked into it.)
DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP, PPL ;-)
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