*cough*

Um.

I'm still here. I just haven't felt like blogging lately. I guess tonight, when I should already be in bed, is different. I am not sure how different, b/c I still don't feel like blogging...yet here I am. The thing is, I LOVE to sleep. It's like...one of my favorite pasttimes. Why am I still on the friggin computer then?!? What do I have against me that I would withold blissful snuggling with my pillow? I don't know. I guess I hate me...or something.

Didn't I mention before how I hate making decisions? I'm sure I did. *goes to check* Yeah, I said that. I probably have said it more times than I think, actually. Well, golly-gee I do hate it. Why? Obvious. One bad decision could lead to a myriad of others and then I'd be on this sick cycle carousel trying to find my way back home. Bacon or sausage? Scrambled or fried (hungry yet?)? Ok so those two don't really make for hard decisions, yet I tend to put the "breakfast" questions in my life up on that pedestal of "Oh man..what if I screw this up!?" Really now. Meat is meat and eggs are eggs. Why can't I see that?

I don't know what my deal is, but I need to let go. I'm tripping out over picking out insurance plans. Ha..nothing like a "what if" thing to completely screw up a "what if" mind!!!! You know...insurance. You're essentially paying for the "what ifs" in life. Of course, with me and medical junk...there are no "what ifs." Have you heard the one about me falling in the shower??? So, this one should be easy, eh? HA!

I just can't seem to figure things out. When I try to "break down" a situation in order to make the task easier, those smaller things end up multiplying like gremlins and becomes a honking heap of question marks. How the heck do I do that??? I swear. I need to channel this skill into something that actually pays the rent. Then I can really get away from my current job :p.

I need a hefty dose of optimism right now. Check that...I need a hefty intravenous dose of optimism. Be sure to add a few CCs of confidence too, while you're at it.

Is there a doctor in the house?

...

*sigh*

I need a hobby. Actually, I have little hobby corpses laying around the house...perfectly good things I thought I'd love to do and was pretty pumped up about at the time of my epiphany...now just in that immortal graveyard of "should have dones."

I'm interpreting in an art class this semester. Oh my gosh, does it kill me to sit there and not be able to participate!! I can equate it to the first year I became a student athletic trainer instead of a student athlete. Oh my goodness...it was all I could do to stay on the sidelines!! I loved working with the soccer and basketball teams. When there was a break in the action, I could juggle a ball or shoot hoops. Football? We trainers would toss the pigskin prior to the players coming out for pregame warm-ups (we even participated in the Manager-Trainer Classic...an annual gridiron (flag) event where it was all fun and games until someone got hurt (broken noses, etc)).

My point? I can't sit still and let life pass me by (even if it's in 50 minute incriments in the classroom)!!! I'm really into this...I'm creative by nature and I need an outlet and quick!! Some days, I feel my head might explode. The problem is, I can't seem to channel this longing into one particular project. Example? I bought a slew of beginner's paints (art set) at Hobby Lobby a few weeks before school resumed. Did I crack it open? Nope. About the only thing I have done within the realm of creativity is frame some photos I've taken. I got great satisfaction in doing so and I'd really like to have some sort of service where if someone wants a particular themed photo (ie...a sepia shot of a dandelion in a field), I go and shoot it for them. LOL. I realize it's not a very lucrative endeavor, but my life's goal is to fill a need. That's what I do best, I think. Filling a need fills my need for filling a need. Get it? LOL.

I'm confusing myself now. I best go...

Anyone need a picture?? :-)

Bbbbbllllaaaaaahhh!!

I just do not handle making decisions very well!!!!

My brain is still ping-pongging ideas about what I'd want to do for a living and, meanwhile, I'm stressed that Plano ISD starts back in early August with the staff reporting July 28. Add to that the fact that my oldest sister (and father) aren't coming in this year, which has me leaning toward going home for another visit pretty quickly. In a way, I really want to, but then I think about how I'll get there (drive=long or flying=uber bucks b/c of the short-notice) and the stuff I still need to get done here BEFORE (if I go back) school starts.

Oy, what a pain!!!!

I emailed someone from the teacher certification program in the elementary department. I want to see what she says and think on that a bit more. Dillon said there's another job opening at Mardel (the one who didn't hire me) and there's another opportunity I could work on, but I'm just not sure......

I don't like being unsure. Why must I make things so difficult...or why do they appear to be so difficult to me?

Thanks for listening.

Everyone's seen it, but I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon as well...

:-)

There's also a survey going 'round about a box set and special remastered CDs being in the works. Pretty cool!!

Quick update on Jimmy:

He's doing pretty good. He's remembering a bit more which is good but also bad in that he is in danger of being over-stimulated and is also growing frustrated when he can't pinpoint what he's trying to say or remember. They are talking about moving him back to Tyler (different facility) soon. We'll go visit him on Sunday and let you guys know more.

He's truly a miracle and we're trying to get him to see that as well. Now, if we can only get him not to fret about his motorcycle!! Eeesh!! He still has gaps where he either repeats himself, plugs in something ambiguous, or says something that shows whatever we just told him didn't quite stick.

Please continue to pray for his family and for Jimmy. Thanks!

As for me, it looks like I'll be interpreting again. I'm such a coward. I can't find anything (even working at Lifeway or Family Christian doesn't look good as the manager won't even call me to set up an interview). I applied at a few physical therapy-related places and have heard zip. The facility offering teacher certification has been emailing me back, but I have to get a copy of my transcripts from one of my colleges and they will only accept requests in WRITING! No calls, no emails. That drives me INSANE. Oh well.

Well, you guys have a great weekend! We're hopefully going to get the windows tinted in the Camry. It's uber hot here!

I should update...

I know most of you read the pirate ship, so you know Jimmy is still with us (there was a biggggg stink over the living will and the fact that not enough time had been given, etc). He's taken some steps (walked about 30 feet), sampled some Jello, said a few words, touched his pregnant daughter-in-law's belly (showing recognition that he remembered she is preggo), and snoozed a lot. He does have pneumonia, so I don't know how this will affect his recovery. They said he's still in that 4 day window where it takes about 4 for the heavy sedation meds to leave the system. Who knows with those ppl, though?? One of the neuros did read the wrong CT....TWICE...on 2 separate occasions....

If he continues to do well, they'll move him to a neuro rehab hospital here in Dallas.

As for me, I'm not fully enjoying my summer due to wondering what's next on the horizon. It's sort of a bummer when I do that to myself :p. Part of me realizes how nice it is to have summer off....and that part of me starts thinking about working in the school system (even if it's going back to interpreting...) which I DON'T want to do merely for the time off!!! The other part of me feels perpetually frustrated and confused over what I should/could be doing now. Yes, motherhood is a possibility, but I'd like to work up until that point (whenever it will be).

Also, I'm still kicking around the idea of taking my resume up to Women of Faith and leaving it with them, hoping they might have a place for me, if it's God's will. I just wish I knew what it is I should do.

Anyway, that's about it.

Oh well...

Hey guys,

Sorry I haven't updated. We left for Alabama May 24 and returned yesterday. It was a nice trip, though I'm convinced there's never enough time when it comes to vacation.

We ended up staying an extra day in Tyler b/c Dillon's uncle Jimmy is in ICU there. He was involved in an accident while on his motorcycle. Apparently, one car motioned for another to pull out into traffic (maybe assuming she was going to pull into the same lane) and that car pulled into Jimmy's lane of travel, hitting him. He wasn't wearing a helmet and isn't expected (at this time) to fully recover. The family is honoring his living will and will not try any heroic measures should he code out.

I wrote about this on the Pirate Ship, so I won't further repeat myself here :).

Ah, back to the "Oh well" title.

I didn't have any "Hey, YOU'RE HIRED!" messages while I was away, so I decided to give Mardel a call. The supervisor wasn't in, but they took down my name and number and said he'd call me back. Hours later, still no word, so I called back. He's not in now, but the person I spoke with let me know the position had been filled.

I didn't call LifeWay b/c of the tone that supervisor took the last time we spoke (When he said the ball's in his court now, which I took to mean, "Hey kid, don't bother me!"). I dunno. I might still call tomorrow.

I don't know what I'll do. The lady I've been meeting with via our "Employee Assistance Program" thru work has yet to order the vocational tests she mentioned weeks ago. My fear is that she's waiting so that I'll come back beyond my 6 free visits. (I had number 4 today) Meh, I don't care. When that sixth visit comes around, I'll shake the dust off my feet and order one online or something (a lot less than the $100/session fee with a counselor). ;-) I am horrible at those, anyway. I can feel my way around the questions enough to have just about the same outcome each time. I need one that will trick me ;-).

Being at the hospital sort of rekindled my "possible" interest in working at one; however, I know there's no "9 to 5" there.

Hehe....so goes my life.

As for home, things are fine. Dad's doing quite well for an almost 75 yr old. His and Mom's 50th would have been last Friday. He still misses her, but is moving on. I wish I lived closer. I miss him a lot. The rest of my family? Hmmm...some I can do without, but Dad and a couple of my aunts are priceless. They're all getting older and I fear that each time I see them will be the last.

Time for supper.

Feeling the need to write...

It's 1am and I don't feel like going to bed. It's funny how that, in the early morning hours (Hahahha..that made me sound like a morning person for a minute there, eh?), I feel more energized to be creative, etc. Sometimes, it's almost like I'm making myself stay up, though.

I have a good soundtrack at this hour: DecembeRadio is keeping me company :-).

Here's a brief (haha..let's just see) rundown of this past week:

• I applied at Mardel, Family Christian, and LifeWay
• I interviewed at Mardel; the mgr at LifeWay is out of town til Tuesday
• I felt like a dork when the mgr at Mardel gave me a math test
• I found out that the teacher certification prgm runs throughout the yr, so if I decide this is something for me, I can jump in anytime
• I got contacts and have worn them all of 2 times (contacts + Amy's early morning eyes don't equal a good start...can't even get them in!)
• Thought about taking my resume to Women of Faith next week (which would now be "this" week)

I'm feeling sort of blah right now..a frustrated blah, but I dunno why. Sometimes, I feel like I live in a box and I just need to get outta there! I'm really finding that I need a creative outlet.

I've been seeing a Christian counselor. Did I say that already? Yeah. Had my 3rd visit today. Eh..it's ok. She's ordered some vocational tests for me to help in finding some direction. Not one meeting goes without relating something to my Mom, which is always good for a cry :p. Today, we got to my mom AND my kids in the Dominican Republic, so that was a LOT of fun :p. I guess it's just good to talk, though. I shared my spaghetti analogy with her today ;-). I wonder what she's thinking when we're done?

Well, good night, guys. I've talked long enough....sigh.

MMMMMMAYDAY!!

Oy.

I gotta think that God has an excellent sense of humor.

I had a brief meeting yesterday with a representative of the teacher certification program I've been talking about. Yes, my science classes (Though heavily PE oriented) will count. Yes, they really need science teachers. Yes, it's a very lucrative discipline in the teaching world. No, I really don't have all that much time to decide as I NEED TO REALLY PIN IT DOWN THIS WEEKEND!!!

*in best Scooby Doo voice* "Uuuhhh??" "Ruh-ro."

I'm so frazzled, I dunno what to type first!! Hehehehehe...

I'm not at peace with any of it (then again, I'm not often at peace with any decision-oriented thing...except maybe dinner).

Here's the timeline:

I need to fill out an application and online interview ASAP ($50).
I need to get 3 references ASAP.
The orientation for science teachers is next TUESDAY.
The career expo/job fair for candidates is next WEDNESDAY.
The deadline for registering for the TeXes (test required to be able to teach) is next THURSDAY.
The study session for TeXes is June 3 (We were planning on driving back from Alabama on that day).
The TeXes test ($117) is June 10.
Science training is a weekend in June (5-8pm).
$450 training charge is due after application is processed. There's a $3200 internship fee and some others here and there. They deduct the $3200 out of your paycheck once you are hired. If I pass the TeXes (and a science pre-test to even get into the program), I'll get certified. I can teach without passing, but on a probationary basis, I think.

What I'm looking at is 4-8 life science or 9-12 life science. (because that's what is needed)

PE would be so much easier :p. They reserve all those type classes for coaches. I've already been told that the Biology needs at one school also involve coaching or cheerleading sponsorship. ACK.

I really don't know....

She said it would be very hard to find an elementary job.....

Dillon and I will talk about it later tonight, but mucho prayers will be appreciated. One of the last things the lady I spoke with told me was, "People shouldn't do this if they're just needing a job." I need to really explore my motives. I know that I'd be studying my rear off trying to relearn everything from 9th grade to college biology just to be prepared to teach it.

Thanks!

Hmm...

Well....

Hello, readers! Not much is going on, but I thought I would update, nonetheless. You know me: wordy, wordy, wordy.

Actually, the office chatter has taken a serious detour so, I'm writing in order to focus on something else!!!

The PE job I was eyeing is now off the list. I guess it was filled.

The lady who was supposed to call me yesterday did call...only it wasn't til this morning and she called 5 minutes before I was to be in class!! She said she was out yesterday, so she didn't get my message til today.

She sounded pretty sure about my science classes and that we can count the higher-level "PE" science classes toward the required 24 credit hours. I dunno..I also mentioned that I was interested in elementary and PE. She (of course she is the contact person for the science dept) said that science teachers are in greater demand and there are virtually no PE jobs and also that elementary level teaching positions are very competitive.

As I have pondered this, I've come across maybe MY idea of what I'd like to teach. Then again, when I think too much, I start doubting!!!!! Anyway, I could see me using my love for medicine and my background in health to teach a myriad of those disciplines to kids who are TRULY interested in it. Ha. How many kids are truly interested in learning when they come to school? Maybe a handful. I'll take those kids. Send the rest to PE ;-). Nah. What I'd like to be able to do is have them learn without them REALIZING it. To me, that's the mark of a good teacher. I dunno if I can do that or not....but I might like to try. I wish I could teach PE too, though. I like that kind of stuff, as well.

Hmmm...

Then again....I just don't know what I'd do with upper-level kiddos. There is SO much disrespect going on in classrooms these days AND, if a teacher so much as looks cross-eyed at a kid, he or she could be fired!! What is UP with that?????

Running to the Light...

Well,

I just wanted to write a brief update to let you guys know that I'm still hanging in there ;-). I still am not sure what's up for next year but, as I told September, I'm sensing there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Well, I know THE Light is shining a path for me. I just need to hone in. He's not letting go of me, and I'm so thankful!!!! I guess instead of clinging to the hair I wish to yank outta my head, I should let go and reach up to Him. Ya think? Yuppo!

As far as the certification from UTD, I've sort of nixed that route. Instead, our region offers alternate methods of certifcation. If you can spell, you can teach.
.
.
.
.
Just kidding!!!!

But seriously, they have a hardcore "speed" method of getting certified, as long as you hold a Bachelor's degree and kept a decent GPA thru most of your hours. There are certain requirements for those in the higher need areas, too. Of course, there are also tests, tests, and more tests to pass, but I hear they train ya pretty well. I phoned them today and, since the lady I need to speak with was busy, I won't hear back til Monday. (Science is a critical needs area, so that's what I asked about...and if I don't have enough "true" science credit (many of my classes post-Biology and A&P are "PE" science classes), I'll either do the early childhood generalist route, or PE.

I have also been searching different school districts' (around here) websites for job openings. There's a PE job in a town nearby, so I gave them a call. Basically, all I need in order to interview is either a teaching certificate OR a letter proving I'm enrolled in a certification program. Cool. I'm gonna have more info come Monday.

By the way, we were offered our contracts for next year yesterday afternoon. Oy. Since it's an "at will" kinda thing, I went ahead and signed mine.

So, that's it for now.

Thanks so much for praying for me. I still get overwhelmed and all blah every now and again, but it's getting better.

Oh well...

Today's not been the best day (carried over from something last night), and my meeting at UTD with their Teacher Certification dept didn't go so well. Let's just say that, combined with an email I got at work (from work), my future is as cloudy as......well, it's just cloudy.

I'm having a hard time keeping my chin up, despite some good Bible reading I did earlier today. I even memorized a verse, but Satan just won't leave me alone. Ah, and wouldn't ya know it? I forgot the "address" of the verse!!! Anyway, it says, "Do not grow weary of doing good, for at the proper time, your reward in heaven will come." (Ok, so that was definitely paraphrased)

I didn't do a focused study, mainly because it was too hard to concentrate in the office today. I have my pocket sized New Testament at work (would like one that is the complete Bible) and I basically read through verses I'd underlined in the past few years. When something spoke to me outside of that, I underlined and noted the date. I like doing that so that when I go back and look over different chapters, I can see how God was speaking to me at that particular time.

Anyway, not to sound like a whiny whinger, but I'm just tired of stuff right now and I don't know what to do. AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No comments necessary. Not that this was anything worth commenting about :p. I don't know why I even blog. I probably should just keep stuff like this in my own journal (especially if the purpose of my blogging is just to vent). *note to self: vent in journal* There's too much to read on the Net these days, anyway!!!

Ah, I'm rambling.

I'm a horrible blog reader....(edited)

I misread on September's blog that Carmel had tagged me on her Xanga when, actually, it was September tagging me. Matt was the one tagged by Carmel.

I don't know that I know what Xanga is, but I bet it's a lot like this blogger dealio. I'm such a fogey....

Six things about myself....right?

1. I was unexpected. My parents had their "eenie, meenie, and miney" and didn't want no "moe," but 10 years later, they got me. I was a surprise to EVERYONE (and not a pleasant one to some..namely my sis closest to my age) and even decided to make an early entrance weighing in at 3 lbs 8 1/2 oz. If I were born a boy, my name would have been Jonathan Eugene. (So glad I was a girl!!). Coincidentally, my oldest sister was to have that name had she been a boy (She was also to be Laura Elizabeth, but that would have made her initials spell L-E-G, so she got Beth and I got the longer version).

2. My oldest sister thinks I'm wordy. Big shock to you all, eh? *Makes note to self to avoid sending out those stupid "Send this to your friends and then send back to me" emails asking to be described in one word....*

3. If I could have any talent(s), it would be to sing and play the guitar (but I'm so fickle in my thinking that that desire could change any minute). Oh..maybe I'd write a book. Children's, a bio, or fiction? Not sure....I am WORDY!!!! :p

4. My life's ambition is to serve others (I wish I could work with the crew of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition or something like that). Sometimes my human nature gets in the way, though.

5. This is my first season to "watch" American Idol. *cringes* I am not sure why I bother...but I'm attracted to talent shows for some reason (even though it's more of a popularity contest....ugh).

6. I have VERY vivid dreams and can tell you almost every detail later.

Hear ye, hear ye....

Oh...I dunno.

Matt just asked for an update. :p

I still haven't decided what I shall do for next year, though part of me wants to go ahead and let my supervisor know I won't be back (b/c most of me has already checked out, anyway).

Fear has its grip on me. I can take any job I am even remotely thinking about and find something "icky" about it and move on to the next prospect. "Icky" ranges from weird hours to uncertain elements. I think I have a psychosis. :p

I just need to "get quiet" and let God speak. I'm running so fast in circles that I'm sure He's trying to snatch me up and calm me down, though I won't let him (and we all know He's more than capable to stop me in my tracks. He's just waiting on ME.).

Sigh.

So, that's why there hasn't been an update. All I can think about is "next year" and a little bit about "right now." I have the ulcers to prove how stressed I'm allowing myself to get. Part of me feels like there's a human being walking this earth who knows what I'm supposed to do and if I can just find him/her, I'd be golden. Why is that??? Talk about weird....

Frustrating.....saddening.....maddening. :)

To educate or not....

Quick blurb of the day...

I'm kicking around the idea of getting my teacher certification (probably early childhood. High schoolers frustrate me). I'm also wondering about pursuing any ventures that allow me to write (in lieu of or combined with teaching).

I dunno...

First day of Spring??

Ok, first off, I thought we were going to have to go off to Home Depot looking for "Noah's Guide to Ark Building" this weekend. Now, it looks like we may need to break out our parkas as well!!

I can't believe the rain Texas got this past weekend!! Of course, we did need the rain, but did we need it to come all in one whack??? Wow!! Our poor Giggs had a rough time of it when nature called.

Yeah, so I haven't had much to write about since Spring Break came to an end, but I thought I should update this blog, anyway. What better than a rant about the first day of Spring? :-)

To be honest, I'm glad it's still going to be cool as far as the temps go. It's just WAAAY too hot in TX in the summer. Last year, I made the mistake of leaving my "yard shoes" out to dry after mowing the lawn and then hosing the greenery off of them. Well, I kept forgetting to bring them in and, when I finally did remember, they looked like a pair of leprechaun shoes!!! The toes were curled up and the soles were peeling off!!! Not again. Not again...

Not much else going on. I'll be sure to write again when more exciting things happen. Did anyone bring a pillow? I'm boring myself to sleep....

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz *g'day everyone* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

A week off??

Why, yes!!

Ok, so there is something positive about where I work ;).

I'm sad that it is already Wednesday and my week of bliss is halfway over. I haven't satisfied my main objective (which is a quite weird one for a vacation), which is to organize my closet. You might be thinking, "Oh..a CLOSET?? Big deal!! How long could it take??" Well, my friend, think that all you want. When the builders who erected this abode designed it, what they didn't provide in functional utility room and kitchen space, they more than made up for when it comes to the closets in our guest bedroom and master bath! I think I could put a twin bed in my closet (though whoever slept in there would freeze in the winter and boil in the summer, despite an air vent).

Anyway, more space means more mess (for me), so I need to regroup.

I have other mundane tasks, but I choose not to further bore you with the details....

I also have numerous gripes (mainly dental-related), but again, broken record.....

What else is there to write about??? ;-)

I found some shorts today!!! It's been HOT here lately, and I've only had workout shorts (funny, seeing as I don't WORK OUT anymore!!) to run around in. I won't mention how depressing my find turned out to be. But hey, I have something to wear that looks decent and didn't go much over my $10 budget.

Dillon and I played racquetball the other day, but we really need to get with some sort of exercise regimen. That pool was just calling my name...and I might see if it's really busy tomorrow (if I can dig up a suit that fits). I don't know if I'm brave enough to go up there alone, though. My other option is to go and shoot some hoops. I might just do that if it's raining here (there's an outdoor hoop at a nearby school). Worst case, we have an elliptical machine that hates me. I can always try and tame it (I hit my knees on the front part, for some reason...).

Boring boring boring.

Exciting vacation, eh? Oh well. I'm loving it!!! I don't want to go back go work :'(.

I need to not stress so much. I think I stress even when I don't think I'm stressing. The Internet is a great tool, yet it is also detrimental in that aspect. So much info is out there, it can be overwhelming (and needlessly informative). I've had a couple diagnoses come up in the past few weeks and I've been researching them (Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and Angioedema). I'm waiting on some labs regarding the Angio (not heart-related...that's what I thought at first, too!!). I actually "diagnosed" myself due to having a printout of my labs that my allergist sent me. Between the time I got them and the time he called me back to sit down and talk with him about the results, I'd used my results and symptoms to find what I figured I had. He agrees, but wants to make sure it's one kind over the other. If I do have it at all (which my bloodwork says yes), I hope it's Type II. As far as the angio is concerned, I've left that in God's hands. I need to do the same with my thyroid stuff. I mean, I'm not really worried about ME as much as I am the doctors. I don't want to be taking stuff unnecessarily NOR do I want to NOT be taking what I need to. Heh.....

Ok. I need to go to bed. Sorry for the rambling :).

By the way, I'm looking into getting a massage this week, too, if there are available appts!!! YAY!!!!!!

Sarcoidosis

Ricky had a disease called sarcoidosis. When he was diagnosed at Mayo Clinic they told him he would probably live ten years, but the cousin who sent me this information believes it has been thirteen. I'm glad he's not suffering anymore. He was an organ donor and was able to give his eyes! :-) Ricky was 57.

This came from the stopsarcoidosis.org website-

What is Sarcoidosis? Sarcoidosis is a multi-system disease that causes inflammation of the body’s tissues. Inflammation is a basic, protective response of the body to injury or infection and usually causes warmth, swelling and pain. Inflammation from sarcoidosis is different. In sarcoidosis, the immune system does not function properly and lymphocytes, a type of blood cell, become overactive. These overactive lymphocytes release chemicals which cause granulomas (masses of inflamed tissue or lumps) to form in various organs of the body.

The inflammation of sarcoidosis can occur in almost any organ in the body.The disease name comes from the Greek words 'sark' (meaning flesh) and 'oid' (meaning like) and refer to the disease’s flesh-like tumors that were first observed on the skin of patients with the disease. It is pronounced SAR-COY-DOE-SIS.

What Causes Sarcoidosis? The cause of sarcoidosis is not yet known, there may be several. For example, an abnormal response from the immune system to one or more agents (bacteria, fungus, virus or chemical) may be involved. Genetic predisposition also appears to be important.

It's been a looong time...

Sorry.

I just don't have too much to write about, for some reason.

We've been watching the Olympics, working, I've been going to doctor's appointments...just the same old mundane thing. Well, last weekend wasn't TOO mundane. We froze to death watching the U.S. Men's National Soccer team defeat Guatemala in an international friendly last Sunday. Woo! It was chillly! Dillon and I went to the U.S.'s practice session Saturday afternoon and the players voiced their surprise at the weather (and thanked the fans for coming out and enduring temps "Texans aren't used to."). The game was fun. We walked away with a 4-0 victory. Eddie Johnson scored his first goal in Pizza Hut Park (a soccer-dedicated facility that opened last August). It's too bad it wasn't as an FC Dallas player (he just got traded to Kansas City! Boo-hoo!!). Then again, to score one for the US has to be a great feeling. We'll miss him.

Have any of you watched the Winter Games? We TiVoed the closing ceremonies, but did watch the segment about the black soldier (Vernon Baker) who did so much for the Italians and our country back in WWII. It was such an amazing story. I'm still appalled at what lengths people will go to to avoid things/people who are different. :-( One of the most touching moments was when he was reunited with the Partisan soldier (who was 16 at the time) who helped him in battle.

Well, there is not much else to write. We have spring break in another week and I can't tell you how happy yet bummed I am. I know it's going to go by very fast :p.

It's almost Monday, so I'd better go and get things ready for work (and bed tonight).

Have a great week, all.

Before I forget.....

Rest in peace, Don Knotts and Ricky Gilchrist (Ricky is my cousin (my father's nephew). He passed away Friday night after battling a very rare disease. If you read this, please keep his family in your prayers. His wife is also battling cancer and I know she and his three children are having a rough time right now).

Stand back...

SHE'S GONNA BLOW!!!!!

Ok. So maybe that was too dramatic. Don't panic. I'm O-K. Everything is OOOOO-K.

Actually, I had an epiphany while at work. It's amazing that my mind is able to do anything productive at the moment it did, but wonders never seem to cease.

I think I've nailed down the core of my frustration, as far as my job goes. (Oy, here she goes again, ladies and gentlemen).

I left my 7th period class feeling absolutely morally violated. Yep. It's amazing what these little teenaged critters can do to me, just with their words.

I won't get into detail about the things that passed between my ears (I really should get to walk around with headphones like the other (subconscious) filth-dodgers get to do, but I guess that wouldn't be prudent since my job is to interpret what I hear!). I will tell you that the bulk of the conversation I overheard (dominated by one guy) ran the gamut of drug use and sex. Those are probably the two most overused words when it comes to our fears about teens...well, let me tell you...if that conversation is ANY indication, we should be VERY WORRIED!!! :-(

We were in the library. I wasn't sitting at their table, but across the small area from them (towards the back, where some computers are). I could hear almost every word spoken. I would have been signing those very words had my student not been engrossed in her research on the project they were to be working on. Oh, how I wish I could have tuned them out as she did..... Instead, I tried reading the book I carry with me. I also felt a feeling I haven't really had since one time last year: the urgency to pray.

I prayed, not only for God to block my ears from the things that were invading them, but also for that boy and his friends. It nearly made me cry. I felt so out of control of the situation. I couldn't tell them to stop saying what they were saying. Moreover, I couldn't do what I TRULY wanted: I wanted to go over there and jerk him up and shake him and warn him that he's perpetually throwing his life away each time he does the things he says he does (and the way he spoke, he surely wasn't making it up).

If I were a teacher (or even a librarian, custodial worker, or computer tech), I could have said something to them. I could have at least walked over there and asked them why they weren't working. Instead, I finally caught the kid's eye (with a talent I've honed to a craft: the evil glare) and he just bobbed his head and said, "Hey. How's it goin?" There was some nervous chatter, mixed in with "I don't care.." and then he changed the subject a bit (but it then took another immoral spin, unfortunately). I even took out my notebook and acted as if I were documenting something.

Argh. I realize that, as a teacher, I would be limited as to what sort of "relationship" I could have with my students. I would hope I could "be there for them" at least to say some encouraging things in the classroom (or on their work) or even at parent-teacher conferences.

I'm not saying I'm heading down the educator path, but I'm just saying that this ethical "sit back and blend in with the furniture" thing isn't for me.

Thanks for listening. Emily, if you're reading this, I know you understand.

End of the Spear...Hitting theaters today...

and me, square in the heart!

Grab some kleenex and extra cash (take out a loan!) for popcorn and coke and head to the movies this weekend. I wouldn't exactly call it the feel good movie of the year, but it's definitely worth watching. Oh, and I recommend staying put thru at least the first part of the credits. If you've seen Beyond the Gates of Splendor and are thinking, "I pretty much got the gist of the story...I think I'll pass on this one," forget that logic! There's a bit more expounding and it is pretty powerful stuff.

Ok..time for some of my rambling about what's going on in my head right now...

So, I was surfing around and decided to Google a few folks from the past. Surprisingly, someone that was close to my heart back in college came up as a honoree for 2004. Curious, I went to our alma mater's website and took a look. I thought it weird, b/c he graduated just before me, in 96.

Come to find out, he was also an honoree (in our field of study) for 2005. I saw a few other links and found out he got his Master's this past December. I started to cry. Weird, huh?

My emotions have been on edge lately (I'm pretty sure it's not hormonal, either) and this just sent me over (perhaps part of it was from seeing such a profound movie hours ago). I don't really want to divulge the bigger reason I think this got to me, but I will say that I somehow feel like less of a person knowing he has his Master's and I'm just floating thru life...a Summa Cum Laude graduate with her degree collecting dust.

Why does this bother me so? Why can't I just let God do what He wishes with my life (and actually tune into Him instead of wallowing in my many conjured up sorrows)? I just want to find my niche and feel complete for once in my life.

I was reading a book by Robin Jones Gunn (Christian Fiction). Many times, I can identify with the characters coming to life, right before my very eyes....their lives swimming thru my brain as I imagine what it's like where they are. To make a long story short, there was one in particular who had set her sights on something when she was young, achieved it as an adult, and was settled in a career that she enjoyed. Things changed, the job she had became sort of iffy, and another (seemingly odd) position came available. Instead of jumping in with both feet, she volunteered at first and found that she LOVED what she did. The pay was less, but there were other benefits. While she didn't take that job, it drew her closer to the Lord than she'd ever been (was a preacher's kid) and her obedience opened up a wonderful path for her that wound all the way smack dab in the middle of God's plan for her life.

Can I tell you that my heart leapt when the "odd job" came up and she realized that was the kind of work she was made for? It was like, "Hey, she is kind of like me (only she had a plan right after high school) and found her niche in sort of an odd place (she went from flight attendant to a camp facility coordinator) and really fell into step with the Lord." I envied her for a second.

Now, I also realize that these books can sort of be as bad as "soap operas" on tv...that we can tend to confuse real life with what we perceive to be real in the books. I think, however, that God could speak to me in this way, should He choose to. I mean, it would be the perfect opportunity, given I'm sort of unreachable at times.....

I don't know. Like I said somewhere on the pirate ship, my brain feels like scrambled eggs. I feel like I'm sort of grieving for the life I could have had (yet I have no idea what kind of life it should have been!! LOL). How ridiculous is that?

I can't make sense of much that's brewing in my head right now, so I guess I'll stop. Dillon wants so badly to figure out something to help me, but all I do is cry when we try to talk about it. Wanna see a guy fidget? LOL. Poor sweet hubby. He's a fixer, that's for sure. I am trying to train him to be a hugger first and fixer 2nd. ;-) I love him!

The day of bleh..

Ok, so I'm finally letting my emotions catch up with me. If we're going to personify feelings, I much prefer it when my imagination runs wild, I tell ya!

I'm still feeling stuck: can't use my degree b/c it's been so stinking long since I got it that I've forgotten everything (geez!) and I'm having a hard time trying to like what I'm doing now. I honestly feel cornered. I'm so lost in my thoughts that I can't figure out what I like to do or WOULD like to do. I can't even pin one thing down without another thought bumrushing me.

Do any of you remember the Micro Machine Man? Yeah. That's how fast words fly thru my brain.

I'm getting back into the habit of doing daily devotional readings. Even in that, I have doubts. I don't expect God to all of the sudden rain down answers upon me, just because I'm getting back into the Word....but that's what Satan keeps saying my reason is. It's not, doggone it. I miss my time with God and I know He misses it a zillion times more. Honestly, I feel better talking with him since I'm actually taking the time to commune each day. It's not like he's this giant gumball machine that I plunk a quarter in each time I want something, fully expecting the best of whatever it is to fall out.

Anyway, I can't adequately describe how I'm feeling, but I just know I hate it. I've felt this way before, off and on and it really wears me out. I feel like there has to be someone out there who can point me in the right direction...I have this insane need to find that person and pour my heart out. I guess it's b/c I've poured it out to God and my impatient finite way of thinking has won out. I think it's because I'm realizing that so many years in my life have come and gone and I know I can't get them back. I almost wish I could be in college again and cling to those years I spent cramming facts into my brain. I guess I don't feel worthy enough to flip burgers at Mickey D's.

Fun blog, eh?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

I am SO sleepy!!! Thank goodness I didn't have to sit in English class (my 2nd of the day..same subj, only different teacher and student) while they read to themselves. I love to read my books, but I'm just so tired today that I fear I would have fallen out of my chair!!!!

Well, interview #2 was a doozy. Not really in a good way. Someone called my supervisor here to check up on me, but I don't know which company it was. She sent me an email saying, "PLEASE, please don't leave....you CAN'T leave!! Someone called and I gave you a horrible reference!!" Hahaha. Funny lady, she is.

So, how is everyone out there doing? I felt pretty doggone overwhelmed towards the end of last week (kinda felt as if I had reached my breaking point). I got over it (for the most part). I'm starting to wonder if I'm just supposed to stay here for a while longer. Then, getting my teaching credential popped into my head (only for the 3rd time). I have no idea what to do. I'll just stay in this holding pattern and learn to adapt and like what I do, or else get the signal and go find what I like. :-)

Well, I don't have much to write about. Sunday was the 50th anniversary of the deaths of Jim Elliot, Nate Saint, Ed McCully, Roger Youdarian, and Pete Fleming. "End of the Spear's" debut is coming up next week (wow!). I haven't seen the trailer on TV yet, but I have heard of those who have.

Have a nice week, everybody.

OH! Dillon and I joined our community center (rec center) Sunday. I am hoping to do some swimming as soon as I get over my self-consciousness of others seeing me in a swimsuit (assuming mine still fits). They are refinishing the basketball and racquetball courts, though and those don't open til after the 13th. I'm trying to decide of racquetball with Dillon will be a good thing. I tend to play to relieve stress...and that seems better when not done with a significant other. We'll see, I reckon ;-). It's been a while since I played (did so regularly in and after college when I worked at JSU). I hope we start doing more physical stuff. We both need to.

Take care, guys!

Amy

That'sone of the pics I took at Orange Beach.

Picture from Orange Beach

Here is one of me and my crazy family (sorry it's a little dark). This includes my dad, 2 sisters, brother, 2 nieces, 5 nephews, one brother's girlfriend, and my hubby. Oh, and a partridge in a pear tree. Ok..so scrap that. There is a tree in there, though. Well, it used to be a tree....

We were supposed to be out there just as the sun went down. With all the bellyaching about having to drive (and then trek) down there for the picture, it's a wonder we made it at all!!!

Bloggedy, bloggedy, boo!

We're back!

Our trip to south (Orange Beach) and north (my hometown of Southside) Alabama went well. Christmas with my family was.....entertaining, as always. We were there from December 22nd til New Year's Eve. After a quick stop in Tyler to pick up the dog and celebrate my sister-in-law's New Year's Birthday, we happily headed back Dallas. Ahhh..home, dirty home! I don't know when I'll get our Christmas decorations put away. I do know it's good to be back. I miss my family terribly, but I guess TX is growing on me. Or, maybe it's just being able to be the two of us (plus Giggs) again. :)

Wow! The End of the Spear hits theaters in just 17 days!!! January 8th will be the actual 20 year anniversary of the deaths of Nate, Jim, Ed, Pete, and Roger. We watched the documentary last night (I just haven't felt up to it til then) and we were crying like babies!!! Wow.... It's one thing to read the book and feel compassion for the family and friends who were left behind, but to hear their recounting of the tragedy just blew us away. You know, it was kind of like watching "The Passion." You hear of what Jesus did for us all your life...but to see it right there in 3D just tears your heart out.

We're going to see Narnia today and I'm going to personally inquire about EOTS. I wonder if we can buy tickets yet? Hmm...I'll have to check on that.

September, I don't know what they're doing about Canada.

Oh, gotta go!! Time to go see Narnia!